Lesson of a (hot) rabbi

How Nobody Wants This breaks the mould with its mature leading man

There’s a scene in Netflix series Nobody Wants This where Joanne (Kristen Bell) gets “The Ick” around her new man – weed-smoking hot rabbi Noah (Adam Brody). His response brought a different dimension to the male lead in romcoms.

It’s multiple icks, to be accurate. He’s wearing a “sport coat” and has bought too big a bunch of flowers for Joanne’s mother. Noah then says a word in a foreign language with a little too much gusto – I won’t spoil it – and Joanne is freakin’ out so much she has to get some air. Meeting a partner’s parents for the first time can be a vibe shift but I watched this and thought, wow, that came out of nowhere.

Noah (Adam Brody) gets carried away

Only moments before, we saw the two of them cosying up on the sofa for Vanderpump night and Noah manages to even win over Joanne’s prickly sister Morgan (Succession’s Justine Lupe unleashed) with his humour. How could she go off him so quickly when my guy is only trying to be friendly to her family and doing a pretty good job of it?

There are worse crimes than extreme politeness and trying too hard to impress the people you care about. Even the aforementioned coat, that can’t be a dealbreaker surely? Ok, even I winced when he paired it with those basketball shorts. But icks are rarely rooted in fair perspective or proportionality, are they?

We soon realise it was a serious case of self-sabotage. Joanne is not used to being in a healthy relationship. Or having a man close to her show affection and be vulnerable as her mother reveals to Noah in the context of her father’s transformative relationship with the guy he met on Grindr. Phew.

Interest in the sex-positive podcast that Joanne hosts with her sister is now plummeting because she doesn’t have enough sh*t to share about bad dates and horrible men out in the field. You know, the ones with gratuitous tattoos and bad intentions that Morgan will continue to entertain for material. Not forgetting the tearful guys obsessed with their grandmother or just self-obsessed.

Being so close to happiness scares her. The prospect of opening up to someone who then bails because she’s “too much” frightens her. This is Joanne in damage limitation mode letting her insecurities dictate her chances of happiness.

How Noah handles it in episode six is somewhere between tactful and miraculous and confirmed that Nobody Wants This – beyond its fun premise and sparky humour – really had something fresh to say in a genre that mines the same old tropes.

A genre that defaults to either a quick fix of tired cliches and toxic stereotypes (ugly duckling becomes swan, good girl fixes asshole, frenemies become lovers), or nostalgia through desperate references to classics.

He appreciates what Joanne is going through but stops short of apologising for making an effort. Instead, he holds her and gently tells her to get over it. Then, and here’s the intriguing bit, says “I can handle you.”

It’s like an invitation to be all of herself around him – unfiltered, complicated, messy, “terrifying” even. To say what’s bothering her instead of ruminating on it or burying it. He’s saying we’re in this together.

The show hinges on a simple question. Will Noah choose to become the head rabbi over his love for a shiksa (unless agnostic and rather clueless Joanne converts to Judaism)? What a hex of a word.

It was almost the name of this show. When Noah’s mother Bina (Tovah Feldshuh) fixed Joanne with her beady little eyes for the first time and uttered it, you could tell it wasn’t a compliment. There’s no need for that, I thought.

For those who aren’t familiar, which was many of us before Nobody Wants This, I found a definition from Gitl Schaechter-Viswanath, editor-in-chief of the Comprehensive Yiddish-English Dictionary.

“Depending on the context, shiksa can take on a lot of negative or pejorative connotations, from ‘slut’ to ‘forbidden fruit’. The pejorative terms are mostly with a sexual connotation or implication, especially in the 20th Century. It didn't start out that way.”

So yes, a bit harsh. Erin Foster, who spent five years developing the series and whose union with Jewish husband Simon Tikhman inspired it, interprets shiksa as “a cute blond that’s not Jewish and your mother doesn’t want you to marry”. It turns out that the strictures of religion and perceived immorality are a spicy base for a romcom.

But let’s get back to the rabbi. The way he conducts himself and navigates this situation is refreshing at a time when men do not have the best reputation out there. Shows are littered with bad boys and f*ckboys who are manipulative, mean and selfish. Otherwise, it’s nice guys who the female protagonist eventually realises was the one all along but in a consolatory way. These aren’t the only options.

To the cynics out there, Noah is a pure fantasy. But stories on screen have seeds of truth and waves of influence in real life so I welcome a more laudable depiction like this. He’s doing good PR for “Jumper Boyfriend Man” as

Polly Vernon

has christened him in her hilarious breakdown of a cultural phenomenon. It turns out that you can tell a lot about a man based on his knitwear collection. And not just how cuddly he may be.

“… an emotionally available non-carcinogenic gently flickering tealight who’s… easy on the stomach? Actively supportive of your microbiome (gut, oral and vaginal)? 

Some leads are more interesting or endearing than others without being heartthrobs or making grand gestures. Aaron (Bill Hader) in Trainwreck. Kumail in The Big Sick. Marcus (William Jackson Harper) in Love Life. I’ve heard good things about Peter (Noah Centineo) in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, “the sweet male lead who never did anything to make us hate him”.

Adam Brody is attractive in a tousled and witty kind of way. Inherently yet earnest in his efforts. All of which he has brought to several roles. But he’s not Glen Powell, Matthew McConaughy or Ryan Gosling levels of leading man phwoar. I think the term is “attainably hot” in the parlance of our times. Something of a unicorn, regardless.

He’s not OTT on the charisma or swagger either. The kind of man who would lead a woman astray and smile or smoulder his way out of it like a Ben (Bradley Cooper) in He’s Just Not That Into You or Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant) in Bridget Jones’ Diary.

He’s not the awkward comedian who will bring hilarity to even the most mundane situations like an Owen Wilson or Ben Stiller. Was that ever enough?

Noah may not be as promising in a dramatic sense – yet – as the likes of blinkered Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) in 500 Days of Summer and the volatile Robbie (Adam Sandler) in The Wedding Singer. Or unlikeable as Harry (Billy Crystal) first appears in When Harry Met Sally.

No … Brody as Noah is steady and decent yet multi-faceted. The kind of love interest who could have “rizz” on the basketball court but also struggle to open a wine bottle. Someone with this kind of confidence but also of the genuine belief that “opening up about something that makes you uncomfortable…helps people connect to you.”

He even tells Joanne her work matters and uses the podcast to counsel a couple in his community. This is now probably getting a little too far-fetched for some ladies out there 😂

I was waiting for his dirty secret to slip out. Some impropriety or infidelity. It still might in season two. For now, he’s a bit of a down-to-earth superhero in the romcom universe. No cape, just a kippah. The kind of male lead we can all get behind.

Brody’s growth as an actor and how this relates to his portrayal of characters in the genre is interesting. On his range, darker turns in the movies Ready or Not and The Kid Detective are worth your time, as is his appearance in the overlooked Fleishman is in Trouble, where he even manages to imbue lothario tech bro Seth with warmth and the capacity for emotional intelligence.

Some might say he’s the “defining millennial crush” after his role as another Seth in The OC and Dave in Gilmore Girls. But neither was perfect. The former could have been “love bombing” Lane, Brody recently suggested.

Speaking to GQ in 2019, he had this to say about Seth. “I think he was genuinely thought of as ‘the nice guy’, the alternative to a very aggressive hypermasculine ideal. I wonder, looking back, if I watched it again, would I find him noble or if I would find him really selfish?” He continues… “Leading with your insecurities isn’t enough. I do it, but that doesn’t absolve you of everything.”

Karensa Cadenas went further in her piece for The Daily Beast, saying Seth kinda sucks in retrospect and explaining why wanting the idea of something but not the reality is so relatable. “Despite his good qualities, he’s selfish and mean to Summer (Rachel Bilson). He’s self-righteous and uses his good taste to temper many of his bad qualities. And unfortunately, I can now see a direct pipeline from Seth Cohen to some of my worst exes.”

Noah and Joanne are a little further into life than Seth and Summer, while the bar for acceptable behaviour post-Me Too has rightly been raised in the intervening period.

Credit to Bell who came on board first and after reading the script identified that only the Brody of 2024 could bring that combination of charm, intelligence and vulnerability. Also, the ability to just “stare deeply into somebody’s eyes and let you revel in that” as she told the LA Times.

In the same interview, she spoke about how age affects the dynamic between the leads in romcoms and the nature of their relationship. “It’s not about our status to one another or in our group of friends, which I find a lot of younger love stories tend to be about. It’s about what could we mean to each other going forward, which is innately a very adult question.”

Brody is only as good as his dance partner allows him to be so let’s give it up for Bell’s performance as well. Bringing that characteristic comic timing and the ability to flip from feisty irreverence to moments of fragility.

Their chemistry on screen underpins the show, as it must. Just watch that first kiss. Even the crew’s jaws dropped. The build-up of anticipation. The way Noah clasps Joanne’s face. Hot rabbi be healing with his tender touch.

After reading all the giddy comments, it’s clear that Nobody Wants This is the snackable romantic yet kind-of realistic show that many viewers have been yearning for. Noah may not be the agent of change that many are calling for in the dating world but he might inspire a new breed of male leads in romcoms.

The show is not without criticism. Some perceive the portrayals of Noah’s girlfriend Rebecca (Emily Arlook) as fixated on marriage and mother Bina as meddlesome playing into negative tropes of Jewish people. Are they caricatures or characters? You could meet similar personalities in certain quarters of the South Asian community, for example. Some households and areas are more traditional than others. That’s life.

Ok, marks off because the daughters thrust in front of Noah at the synagogue by their insistent mothers come off as quite undesirable. You could go a different way and still make it funny.

Is Esther (Jackie Tohn) a mean Jewish wife or is she just a prickly BFF being loyal to Rebecca over “whore number one”?

Let’s not forget the timely intervention of Rabbi Shira (Leslie Grossman) who not only makes Joanne feel welcome at camp but is also a progressive and understanding presence as Noah deliberates over whether to pursue his relationship to the detriment of his career. “That doesn’t mean you give up something great because it’s difficult,” she tells him, referencing her lengthy rise to rabbi status as a woman.

And how about Noah’s dorky yet lovable brother Sasha (Timothy Simons)? A standout character who rarely says anything nasty about the culture. Camp is “certifiably lame” and he’s not into the Schvitz. Fair enough. Steam and cold plunges aren’t for everyone.

When he does feed a stereotype it’s to ridicule it, which is the best way to deal with one. Like when Justine texts Joanne ‘aloud’ that Noah doesn’t look that Jewish and Sasha quips, “Does my brother not look like he could control the media?”

Showrunner Foster says you have to have conflict in the TV show and she wanted to explore the tension between American culture and Jewish immigrant culture. Her husband’s parents had to flee the Soviet Union because they are Jewish so this is personal.

“Immigrant culture can be very insular and fearful of outsiders, and there’s a good reason for that,” she told the LA Times. “I wanted to play into that, because it’s an added layer of cultural differences between these two people.

“What I really wanted to do was shed a positive light on Jewish culture from my perspective — my positive experience being brought into Jewish culture, sprinkling in a little fun, [and] educational moments about things in Judaism that I love without it being heavy-handed.

I learned at least two or three things about the culture after this show and think no less of Jewish people so, in my opinion, it’s a bridge that’s been produced in good faith. See what you make of it. At the very least, allow yourself to get caught up in the romance of it all. Let it bring hope.

What were your favourite Noah moments from Nobody Wants This ?

Which male leads are in the romcom hall of fame and why?

Who used to everyone’s boyfriend but is now rather problematic?